Last night i had a weird dream. I felt what it was like to be face to face with death.

I saw a man with a gun with a murderous look on his face. I saw a victim whose face was pure fear and resignation.

I was standing right behind. Trying to hide and hoping to survive. The gun shot and the pain came through. Then darkness fell and that was it.

It makes me wonder what will go through my mind during that sudden moment before death. Will it be futility, resignation or just nothingness.

Death is something i think about a lot. Not that i'm morbid or anything. But because it's something that i know so little of and yet hear so much of. Everyday and everywhere, from the news and from people around me, i hear about people dying. Some peacefully, some of illness, some due to violence and foolishness.

I can't help but wonder if i will have enough time to relive my whole life, in that split second before i close my eyes and sleep forever. Before i fall into nothingness and say goodbye to the world and my loved ones. Will I be able to leave everything behind willingly or hang on to something that i can't bear to let go.

Death is so mysteriously haunting. But something we all have to live with.

GOSH I'M OFFICIALLY DRAINED.

I haven't had an official off day to sleep in for the longest time. I used to always dedicate my sundays to recharge myself for whatever hectic week i had ahead but these two weeks my itchy backside got me working at Conrad for CE over the weekends for some extra cash and i'm totally tire out now.

What I didn't forsee is the amount of workload i had in these two weeks in school and adding on to that an article to write. Deadlines and deadlines. How it reminds me of NUS. Haha.

It really ain't easy being a teacher. I take my hats off all the teachers in Singapore, especially since Education is such a big deal here. Student's are pressurize to perform while teachers are stressed out helping students perform. I had a chinese teacher in PHS whom we affectionately call "caicai". He used to always say that he refuse to have kids cos he's afraid of having kids like us in the class. I finally understand what that means. Children are the assests of the nation but they are also one of the most difficult assets to mould. He did have kids in the end anyway. Haha. So it shows that us kids were not that bad after all.

On a sidenote, i had dinner at bugis after work last night. And i experienced something that made my heart ache so much. Saw an old man who fell along the road around bugis area. I initially thought he fainted or something and rushed over to help. I got a shock when i cos i realised the old man's left arm had been amputated and his legs didn't look very abled as well. Part of his head was bleeding and there was scratches all over his body from the fall.

It was really a sorry sight to see. Apparently he drank previously and was drunk. He probably tripped along the curb of the road as he was tipsy according to this uncle at the nearby coffee shop. I was seriously contemplating sending this particular old man home but he wasn't even sure of his exact address plus the coffee shop uncle told us to leave him alone and he will get home eventually. I wondered, if he has kids and if he does, where are they? I wondered, what is the story behind this old man...

I went home with a heavy heart last night. It suddenly occured to me that as modern as a city like Singapore is, there is this certain group of people who aren't properly taken care of. These are the people often forgotten because they can't catch up with the development and modernisation. Singapore is now facing an ageing population and we will have more and more of these old people not taken care of. And it just puts a sudden fear of old age in me.

I made a promise to myself. That if one day i am financially able and have more time on my hand, i wanna make a difference to the old that are not adequately taken care of. I guess making a difference in one person is making a difference after all.

I hope he reached home safely and said a silent prayer that he will be safe everyday.